Apparently responding to my comments last week, the cold has returned
with a vengeance. It’s a cold that will freeze your water bottle, cause icicles
to form in your nostrils and even make your I-pod stop working. It’s a bitter
cold, but it’s exactly what I was hoping for. Anyway, the end of my Siberian
odyssey is, regrettably, upon us. It is a journey that has taken me to the
depths of Siberia, with Baikal and Altai the highlights, as well as allowing me
to experience that joyous reality that is, of course, life in Tomsk. From a TV
appearance to being beaten with branches by some Sergei or other, Tomsk really
has had it all. I’d like to wrap up my time in Russia by looking at the some of
the things that will no longer be a regular feature in my life.
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| Before |
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| After |
Pelmeny
Pelmeny is, as you may have previously gathered, a simply
sensational dish. Flavoursome doesn’t quite do it justice. A mincemeat mixture
of beef and pork, wrapped in a thin layer of dough, it is perfect for a hungover
day, not least because it takes approximately 4 minutes to cook. These glorious
pockets of heaven have stolen a place in my heart and will be sorely missed.
Snow
I have become accustomed to seeing a thick blanket of snow
all around town. It makes everything look nice, all the time. The sound of
crunching snow underfoot is one of those memories that you can’t convey in
photos. Also, hardened snow is great for sliding. I will miss sliding. Sliding
is great fun. Falling over is less fun, but watching a stranger fall over is
absolutely priceless…
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| The River Tom under ice and snow |
Cigarette Smoke
The lack of a smoking ban has rather irritated me. Every
time I go to a bar, club, restaurant or café, the smell of cigarette smoke
looms in the air. It clings to your clothes, meaning putting a wash on has
become a painfully regular occurrence. In my opinion, pretty much anything bar
underwear can be worn more than once. The jumper, for example, can be worn a
good few times before it needs a wash. But not here! My levels of personal
hygiene are through the roof…
Curfew
This one has been a real pain. Being forced to return before
midnight or after 6am can be problematic. It means you have to leave bars at
around 23:15, or stay, and risk everyone leaving shortly after midnight.
Fortunately, I have become more and more friendly with the babushkas who sit at
the entrance, so occasionally I can return later. It is certainly something
that I will be glad to see the back of…
Greetings
When you bump into some friends, the protocol is simple. Men
shake hands with men. That’s it. There’s none of this kissing on the cheek
business that we have, which only makes a situation more awkward. If you don’t
know how many kisses to give or whether just to hug it out, the tension can be
unbearable. If you’re exceptionally unlucky, nightmarish calamities, such as
banging heads or brushing lips may ensue. The Russians don’t even run the risk
of such horrendous social abominations from taking place. The simplicity of the
procedure here means that I can stride confidently up to any group of friends,
knowing exactly what is about to happen. Unless there are other foreigners
there, in which case the whole theory is thrown into absolute chaos.
Zlata
Zlata Ognevich was Ukraine’s entry to the Eurovision Song Contest
last year. Despite the magnificence of her song Gravity, she did not manage to win the competition, even though we
all know she was far better than that Danish tree hugger. I promise I’m not
bitter. Fortunately though, I have had the pleasure of hearing her song played
in cafes, shops, restaurants and several hundred times on my computer. The note
she hits at 2:02 is a sensation. She isn't bad to look at either...
I could go on, but a 4:30am wake up call is looming large. I
shall leave you with one final snippet of Russian wisdom. The well-know fable
of a stork bringing newborn babies to their parents, used to avoid telling
children about reproduction, is also popular in Russia. But not as popular as
the idea that babies are found in cabbages, superbly depicted in the picture
below. Quite simply, you just cannot make this stuff up. Tomsk, Siberia,
Russia, it has been an absolute pleasure.
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| "You were found in a cabbage, son" |
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