The Brazilian Booty

In these parts, the booty, or bottom if you will, is an art form. The thong bikini is one of the most important part of a Brazilian woman’s wardrobe. The ‘melons’ (melões), to use the local term, are the most desirable part of a woman’s body for many and as a result, it tends to be looked after with great care and attention by its owner. So I’m told. But don’t worry; despite the elevated status of female hindquarters, I shall be focusing on the body as a whole, irrespective of gender.

First things first, Rio’s beach culture plays a big role in sculpting the bodies of its inhabitants. Runners, cyclists, skateboarders and walkers are ever-present on the beachside cycle paths from dawn until after dusk. The heat, often sweltering, is hardly conducive to wearing clothes and these fitness-happy cariocas strip down to the bare minimum without a trace of embarrassment. Seeing a supermodel-esque female jogger overtaking an elderly gentleman, resplendent in speedos and a large belly overhang is wonderfully commonplace.

Ipanema beach

Outdoor gym equipment lines the beach as well. Occupied predominately by men, these areas are where Brazilians come to fine-tune their muscular definition, or perhaps to just show off how many pull-ups they can do. Needless to say, I have not yet attempted to compete. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” seems to be a cariocan philosophy. Just as there is no shame in letting rolls of fat obscure the design on your swimming costume, there is no bitterness towards those who reveal their irresistibly toned, tanned bodies. And rightly so. After hours by the beach perfecting your body, you deserve some credit.

Making the most of the free gym

Of course, exercise can only get you so far. But fortunately, the Brazilians are also blessed with being beautiful. An extensive assortment of races has descended on Brazil over the centuries. This blend of races has created a formula, which produces magical results: a very attractive population. I don’t know the science behind this, but it does make a stroll along the beach more enjoyable. Brazilians, utterly devoid of self-consciousness, play football, volleyball, swim, drink beer and tan. Men, with shaven chests and impossibly ripped torsos, laugh and joke with women, wearing about enough material to cover my ear lobes and displaying enough cleavage to turn anyone’s head. It is an infectious atmosphere, exciting and cheerful, that captivates me and makes me thankful for the invention of tinted sunglasses. After all, the dangers of UV rays from a fierce Rio sun are not to be underestimated...

Despite the health conscious environment that is unavoidable in Rio, a large chunk of society is obese. It’s easy to see why: portion sizes. Now, I’m no stranger to large amounts of food, but even I have been impressed at the way Brazilians can load up their plates. It is true that a diet based largely on rice, beans and meat could be a contributing factor. Furthermore, being obese can have its perks. On the metro, signs instruct passengers to give up their seats to the elderly, the disabled, the pregnant and the obese. Obese people can also apply for special tickets at the World Cup.

Volleyball on Ipanema beach

The reason I chose to study Portuguese in the first place is debatable. I may tell myself that linguistic curiosity overcame me, but we all know that this Summer’s World Cup did not escape my notice. Or perhaps a subconscious part of my brain was drawn to Russia and Brazil for other reasons; reasons that can be explained by clicking on the following link:

Top 10 Countries With The Most Beautiful Women In The World

Beauty is subjective, but it’s clear that I’m prepared to follow the advice in this article. It’s just a shame that my incoherent attempts at flirting and a unfortunate tendency of meeting pretty ladies whilst munching on Tangy Cheese flavoured Doritos (it has now happened twice!) have rendered me a far from suitable candidate to tap into the quality on show.

Walking around topless is a luxury that I am beginning to get used to. As is wearing my speedos without drawing attention to myself or offending others. In Michael Palin’s book on Brazil, he commented that, despite an enormous gulf in wealth and class, men and women from opposite ends of the social ladder can enjoy the beach next to one another, in nothing but a pair of speedos or a bikini. The body transcends social class, bringing equality to the most Brazilian of pleasures: the beach. Being a part of this most carefree environment is thoroughly enjoyable.